Fair & Equal

2013 Apr 026

These are two very important words to some people.


Honestly, I had no idea. 

I simply was reading a lovely blog post where the author wrote 100 ideas to encourage a healthy marriage.  Obviously, when we write on our own blogs, we share ideas based off our own views (right?).  Well, out of 100 sometimes fun, sometimes challenging, sometimes creative ideas… many (most) folks ranted on 2 suggestions.  All the focus of the whole post (that was meant to bless) was churned into some heated debate over 2 seemingly simple (to me) concepts.

# to let the husband make the big decisions.  (as I am fist-pumping “yes!!”, lol)
# to be willing to make some of the small decision.  (again, my cup ‘o tea, as I like the fine details)

The rage, anger, pride that was stirred by the readers.  oh my.

Not only to demand fairness, but that everything should be equal.
Women boldly claimed that their husbands wouldn’t want it any.other.way
or if they did, they certainly wouldn’t be married to them.

Don’t get me wrong; I am not that naive.
I understand everyone has their own values and ideals.
I just never realized what a hot topic it was.

It never dawned on me that some see marriage as a bargain, a contract of sorts.
As in, this is the deal, and it better be this way~

But it’s not.

Isn’t marriage about love, commitment,
giving of oneself for the other without expectation?

It isn’t about meeting halfway, but to be willing to give 100%.

Because honestly life is not fair.  ever.

It was not fair that Christ had to die for my sins.
It was not fair that I was abused as a child.
It was not fair that I took hard high school classes with decent grades, but couldn’t afford college.
It is not “fair” that my husband works hard all day to provide for the many.of.us.
It’s not fair that one of my children has special needs, not just all of them or none.
It’s not fair that one of my closest friends lost her young son 4 yrs ago this month.
It’s not fair that my 21 yr old brother-in-law died is a random car accident 8 yrs ago this month.
It is not fair that our tax dollars pay for ridiculous things that I would never approve of.  ever.

Then there is that word “equal”.


That vehement reaction that marriage MUST be equal.
Well, that’s all good and well for them.
I am not even sure what equal could possibly mean.
Equal paychecks?  equal chores?  equal pressure?  responsibility?  equal kindness?
I don’t want to be equal.

I want to be the keeper of my home.
to create a loving atmosphere, to keep it tidy, to bless my family with the work that I will never be compensated for.

I want my husband to be our provider.
to make the tough decisions, whether I agree or not, because I trust his heart and integrity.

I’ll pass on the fair and equal motto
and we’ll continue to focus on love and honor.

What are your expectations in your marriage?

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Ephesians 5:21

5 thoughts on “Fair & Equal

  1. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE . . .

    . . . this post.

    . . . your heart.

    . . . YOU!

    Fair & Equal . . . not in my house, not in our marriage. I don’t think those words have ever been spoken between us, in 30 years of marriage.

    I have NO desire to work full time outside the home, nor does my sweet husband have any desire to be a full-time homeschooling daddy.

    I have NO desire to fight for my right to mow the lawn or wash the cars.

    Sweet Hubby has NO desire to give birth to 10 babies.

    Sweet Hubby has NO desire to learn how to put 100+ braids in our sweet African daughter’s hair.

    At the same time . . . I can take out the garbage; I can take the cars to the shop; I can load up the big van and take the kids on a vacation.

    And . . . Sweet Hubby can cook, and clean, and do his own laundry (although he has not figured out how to give birth to even one baby for me).

    We are both fully capable of these things. But, we so want to BLESS each other, that we CHOOSE to take over the tasks that may not be the other’s favorite chores.

    I wash and fold his clothes, and bake his favorite Apple/Blueberry Pie (even when I’m on a diet) . . . because I want to BLESS him.

    He washes the car and keeps the lawn mowed . . . because he wants to BLESS me.

    I have never seen anything in Scripture about “fair” and “equal” in marriage. Nope. I don’t think that is God’s design.


    Laurel 🙂

    1. Indeed, I have been following you since the beginning of Jemma’s journey. Much prayers have been said for you and your family through this time. Equality is a tough lesson for children to grasp, however, I thought you to be quite wise with your approach. =)

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