Is this abusive??

Is homeschooling abusive?
Is teaching Christianity abusive?
Is choosing to have a large family abusive?
Is letting the Dad be dad abusive?

Has anyone read this article:

Homeschooled Kids, Now Grown, Blog Against the Past

I don’t know whether to laugh or cry?

To laugh at how ridiculous this sounds (to me)

or

To cry that they are actually serious.

The overall gist is that if you homeschool(ed), are Christian, and have a large family,
you are ruining your children’s lives.

One of the crimes?  to emphasizes a fathers’ absolute authority over their wives and children.

Like it is a bad thing?  Like a father’s calling to serve and protect and provide for his family is appalling?  That trusting him to guide his family by the way of God Holy Word is oh.so.wrong.?

I am grateful that my husband is willing to make the tough decisions in our home.  I am humbled at his love for us while making those decisions.

Another issue?  Strong-willed girls raised in big families.  Like they are set up to fail?  or are used simply as “babysitters”?  or are dumbed-down expected to simply be stay-at-home, homeschooling mama’s themselves.  (and like THAT is a bad thing in and of itself of course!).   Our one and only girl IS independent-minded.  I think she is quite brilliant.  and Yes, I am preparing and training her about motherhood and the graceful art of being a wife.  By her own decision, she dreams of having lots of kids and homeschooling them… one day.  YET this does NOT limit her from achieving other goals?   She wants to be a hair stylist.  She also wants to earn a degree in Early Childhood Education.  This is simply from an 11 yr old girl.  In her own words…”I don’t want a big career because when I decide to be a mom I want to stay home”.  So is it wrong that she probably gained that desire from me because she sees the love I have for my family?  How blessed I feel every.single.day that I am home with my kids and for my husband?

The article also mentions depression, self injury, anxiety attacks, and body-acceptance issues.

Well, this is a very real problem… for everybody!  It is not about homeschooling.  It is about being in the world.  It is about comparing ourselves with others, and never feeling good enough.  This happens regardless if you homeschool or public school.  This happens whether you are Christian, atheist, or otherwise.  This is a society-based problem… and it IS sad.

Truly, I am not trying to undermine these writers pain.  I am sure it is very real.  But pointing fingers is not the solutions.  My husband and I (both public schooled) could blame both our sets of parents for our very difficult childhood!  and because of some of their poor choices we could feel justified.    Parents make mistakes, period.  Not one of us is perfect.  We do what we know how to do at the time that we know how to do it; in other words, we do the best that we can.  My mom made mistakes, ones that specifically (but not intentionally) affected me, but I ultimately KNOW that she loves me!  The beauty of being grown up is that we can CHOOSE what life we want to live.   We don’t need to blame our parents for our own misery as adults, but rather step up and change for yourself what you desire.

Fred and I have been married for 20+ years– we desired not to have a broken home.

We have 6 children– who connect and bond in a way that we didn’t when we were a child with 1 sibling.
We chose to homeschool–  we desire to raise and educate our own kids in ways that compliment each individual child’s needs.

We are Christian.  Not sure about the whole “fundamentalist” title that they spew like a dirty word in the article.

Here is the best definition of what I think a fundamentalist Christian is:

From the Christian perspective, fundamentalist has traditionally referred to any follower of Christ who believes that the Bible is the inspired Word of God and who believes in its literal interpretation and fundamental teachings. The fundamental Christian believes in the experience of the “new birth” which occurs when faith is placed in Christ as Savior and Lord. To the world this may be viewed as radical, but is very basic to the Christian faith.

But the worlds radical view of it is:

that liberal society uses the term fundamentalist to identify any Christian whom they consider to be an extremist. Generally, they classify a Christian as a radical fundamentalist if they merely believe in the literal interpretation of the Bible, if they hold views against sexual permissiveness, homosexuality, abortion on demand, or any views which are politically incorrect.

I admit I am sad for these grown kids and for their pain.
These beautiful beings whom Christ loves so much!

This pain is not the norm for homeschoolers, Christians, or big families!!
For those of you who feel lost… GOD cares, YOU matter.

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5 thoughts on “Is this abusive??

  1. I hear you! I came across that as well. It seems a new person posts everyday, seeking to share the horrors of their own homeschooling story.
    While I AM sorry to hear that not everyone has a positive experience with homeschooling, I find it very sad that these people feel the need to vent their laundry in a public arena.

  2. Taken at face value, I’d definitely agree with you. However, some of the things that I have heard and read from people in the “quiverfull movement” and ATI are crazy. CRAZY. It makes me embarrassed to be grouped in with them (“homeschooling Christians”)…. as do a lot of other people who do crazy things and call themselves Christians. As do I, I guess……

    1. I have to be upfront that up until 5 minutes ago, I had no idea what ATI was?? However, I am aware of the “quiverfull” concept. I have to admit I am astounded at how much anger and hatred is applied to this concept. It is not for everyone, but for others this is a natural calling. I have had someone think that I must have a mental hang up to want yet another child (when we were still having them, lol). I honestly had no idea what they meant. My thought was “how are people so sure that only 2 children, is THAT perfect number for them?”. *smile* So I am not off to research what part of ATI is crazy beyond wanting more than the average 2.3 children.

  3. The quiver full movement is NOT about “having as many children as I want to have” . . . it is about believing that EVERYONE MUST have “as many children as God will allow”. I know women that have come to me in tears when they find out they are pregnant because they do not WANT any more children, but they are being told that “this is what you must do if you really love God”. Now . . . of course . . . many have assumed that we are a part of that. How else would a 49 year old women every “allow” herself to get pregnant? 🙂 Difference . . . we WANTED every one of our children . . . we CHOSE to have 10 biological children and then we CHOSE to adopt even more. (ATI used to forbid families to adopt or to even take in children that needed a place to live . . . they only allowed member families to have biological children, and those families must have as many children as they are physically able to have.)

    Ummm . . . I had 6 children by the time I was 28, and got pregnant for the last time at age 49. If we had not taken any measures to limit our children to “only 12” I am sure that I could have physically had 20+ kids. But, that was NOT what the Lord called us to. 🙂

    Love your posts. Love your thoughts. Love that you are seeking and processing and sharing all that is on your heart.

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